The Moon

“Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you will land among the stars”

My family heard that quote, just like everybody else, and of course we immediately pointed out the error that the stars are millions of light years farther away than the moon so the only way you could do as that quote says was if you had in incredibly fast spaceship and an incredibly bad sense of direction. Then it might happen, but you would still need talent.

So we tried to come up with some quotes of our own that are more correct. They are not as touching as the original, but space travel is nothing to mess with. Here they are:
“Shoot for the moon, and once you blast off you will realize you forgot fuel.”
“Shoot for the stars, and when you miss you will only be stranded on the moon.”
“Shoot for the stars, and you might get lost in space.”
“Shoot for the moon, and you will get hit by a meteor.”
“Shoot for the stars, and you will get sucked into a black hole and spagetified.”
Okay maybe they still need some work. We were only trying to discourage those with fast rocket ships and a bad sense of direction.

Acne (Ak-knee)

Acne is a condition of the skin which exists mostly on the face. Red bumps (Frequently called zits) appear on the skin, with a small white center caused by grease build up under the skin. Zits are most undesirable, causing great anguish of soul to the recipient on behalf of their marred appearance, not to mention discomfort. Zits have the tendency to draw away the eyes of anyone you are conversing with and glue their eyes to the place where the zit is located, causing awkward feelings and short friendships.
Cause. Acne is usually caused by stress, which is why you will get acne just before an important date, or any other important occasion on which you want to look particularly good.
Treatment. There is no treatment for acne other than makeup. Makeup does not improve the blemishes, but it hides it so eyes will not be attracted to it. There used to be different ways to improve acne other than waiting for the zits to die of old age or covering up, but when makeup was invented they were discarded, as makeup does not require you to improve yourself, but rather hides your blemishes, much like lying.
Origin. Acne was an unknown thing millions of years ago; the reason was that they had not yet learned the skill of deep fat frying their food. Acne has grown alarmingly since potato chips and chocolate have been introduced to our culture, because of all the oil contained in the tasty morsels, which goes to our face just as fast as brownies and other fatty foods go to our hips.

Coconut

Once upon a time, I was immersed in the tedious job of cleaning the kitchen, a never ending task that, sadly, is necessary if you desire a clean kitchen.
We happen to keep our honey in a white, one gallon bucket. There, sitting on the kitchen counter was a white, one gallon bucket. My educated guess then, happened to be that the bucket on the counter contained honey. I am sure you can follow my line of thinking.
The honey is kept in a cupboard high above my head, so I picked up the container and carried it thither to the cupboard where it belongs. I happened to notice that the bucket seemed oddly light for a bucket containing honey, but as I am one who does not delight in obsessing over unnecessary details I dismissed the thought into the back of my mind. Thus, my downfall.
I held the container balanced high above my head on the edge of a cupboard as I opened the cabinet’s door. Once the cupboard was open I noticed that there was already a white honey bucket up there. I was puzzled. I knew for a fact that we possessed only one bucket of honey, so since there were suddenly two, the fact sat uneasily in my brain. The only option was to find out if one of them was an imposter. And I thought that I might as well start with the one I was holding. I held it balanced on the edge of the cupboard and tilted the top so it faced me, then pulled of the lid.
The imposter that I had assumed held honey, instead happened to hold dried shredded coconut. A gallon of white flakes crashed downward upon me, filling my mouth, ears, nose, eyes, clothing, and every other place that it could invent to hide, which was many. this caused me to ponder over the fact that it wasn’t the smartest thing to hold the bucket upside down high above my head as I pulled off the lid.
I staggered around the kitchen, banging into counters and barstools and fridges and everything else that was possible to bang into, as I was unable to see, and also to hear smell or taste any of my surroundings. I was stranded in a sea of coconut. I was unable to use sonar to detect my surroundings, as that skill was still slightly beyond my abilities at that moment.
After much consideration and thought, I came up with a moral for this story. Here it is: Don’t do things that can turn out badly. I think that this is a good moral, as it can encompass a great many situations. By living this Motto I hope to escape any situations that will cause discomfort, strife, sadness, or getting a
gallon of coconut dumped in my face