Once I saw a fat little boy of about three years old wriggling his tubby body into a hole in the ground. I thought nothing of it, little boys being inclined to go into holes.
Then as I walked past I saw that the hole was a manhole whose cover was off by about a foot, and the fat child was trying to squeeze his body inside. If the cover had been any lighter, or the kid any skinnier, he would have fallen into the manhole whose bottom was filled with water (the manhole, not the little boy). He was almost in! I leapt forward in an amazing display of grace and agility and snatched the boy as he slipped farther inside and pulled him out. He scowled at me and ran away, without even a thank you for the momentous act of amazing bravery. True story.
I thought about it later and realized that I was a HERO. I had saved somebody’s life! If I told people about it I would, without a doubt, become immensely popular and revered as a true hero. I began to plan what I would tell the reporters when they flocked to me begging me to acknowledge them with even a glance.
Tentative interview:
Reporter: “Thank you for allowing me the great honor of speaking to you!!! I am truly grateful for this amazing opportunity to…”
Me (I break in graciously): You are welcome, I try to make time for all the little people who need my time.
Reporter: So do you, after your amazing act of courage and selfless indifference to your own safety, consider your self a hero?
Me: Of course not. No true heroes recognize how they have changed the course of the world.” People in the background mutter “She is really a true hero!” (Reference Brian Regan)
Reporter: “Wow! What a great story! We have here a giant metal to hang around your neck and a huge trophy of solid gold taller than you are to put in your new mansion we have built you. So who was your inspiration to save this child’s life?”
Me (getting teary eyed like people have to do if it’s a really great interview.): I couldn’t have done it without my parents (sniff) good influence in my life. I am certain they would have done the same thing in my situation.”
Reporter: “Well there you go folks! An amazing girl with an amazing story! (Here the camera points to me and I smile with just the right mixture of confidence, zeal, and humility that defines a hero’s smile. Reporter continues: “Make sure you all go see her on Oprah this weekend…” et cetera.
For a while this vision sparkled in the back of my mind, but when I actually began telling people they were a good deal less impressed than I thought that they would be. They started telling stories of when they were cool and did neat things too and disregarded my incredibleness, although my act was far neater and heroic than theirs.
Then one day I heard about a person who had saved another person’s life and was awarded with a plaque. A plaque?!?! Who would want a plaque? I brush the stuff of my teeth every day, and its not something I would want to be awarded with. Maybe the people who awarded the plaque were worried about overpopulation and wished to discourage any further attempts to save anyone in danger. So I quit wishing to be awarded with anything and stopped telling people about my lifesaving act. Who wants some old plaque anyway?
Then as I walked past I saw that the hole was a manhole whose cover was off by about a foot, and the fat child was trying to squeeze his body inside. If the cover had been any lighter, or the kid any skinnier, he would have fallen into the manhole whose bottom was filled with water (the manhole, not the little boy). He was almost in! I leapt forward in an amazing display of grace and agility and snatched the boy as he slipped farther inside and pulled him out. He scowled at me and ran away, without even a thank you for the momentous act of amazing bravery. True story.
I thought about it later and realized that I was a HERO. I had saved somebody’s life! If I told people about it I would, without a doubt, become immensely popular and revered as a true hero. I began to plan what I would tell the reporters when they flocked to me begging me to acknowledge them with even a glance.
Tentative interview:
Reporter: “Thank you for allowing me the great honor of speaking to you!!! I am truly grateful for this amazing opportunity to…”
Me (I break in graciously): You are welcome, I try to make time for all the little people who need my time.
Reporter: So do you, after your amazing act of courage and selfless indifference to your own safety, consider your self a hero?
Me: Of course not. No true heroes recognize how they have changed the course of the world.” People in the background mutter “She is really a true hero!” (Reference Brian Regan)
Reporter: “Wow! What a great story! We have here a giant metal to hang around your neck and a huge trophy of solid gold taller than you are to put in your new mansion we have built you. So who was your inspiration to save this child’s life?”
Me (getting teary eyed like people have to do if it’s a really great interview.): I couldn’t have done it without my parents (sniff) good influence in my life. I am certain they would have done the same thing in my situation.”
Reporter: “Well there you go folks! An amazing girl with an amazing story! (Here the camera points to me and I smile with just the right mixture of confidence, zeal, and humility that defines a hero’s smile. Reporter continues: “Make sure you all go see her on Oprah this weekend…” et cetera.
For a while this vision sparkled in the back of my mind, but when I actually began telling people they were a good deal less impressed than I thought that they would be. They started telling stories of when they were cool and did neat things too and disregarded my incredibleness, although my act was far neater and heroic than theirs.
Then one day I heard about a person who had saved another person’s life and was awarded with a plaque. A plaque?!?! Who would want a plaque? I brush the stuff of my teeth every day, and its not something I would want to be awarded with. Maybe the people who awarded the plaque were worried about overpopulation and wished to discourage any further attempts to save anyone in danger. So I quit wishing to be awarded with anything and stopped telling people about my lifesaving act. Who wants some old plaque anyway?
2 comments:
Aliysa!!!! This makes my day! We (Morgan Hannah and I(Ashlynn)) Laughed sooooooo hard! Love you!
Oh thanks! You guys are so nice :) when were you looking at my blog together?
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