Left and Right

 Ahem.

I have a confession.

I have never been able to tell my left and right apart.

"Gasp!" you may say. That is fine, I do not mind. Gasp all you want, I believe in freedom, but gasping will do nothing to change or fix the truth, so I suggest that you use your time and energy for a more constructive and helpful purpose.

Now, if you are like the vast majority of the people that I have told about my problem you will now look wise and condescending and will suggest that I hold up my hands with the thumb sticking out and the pointer finger pointing up and see which one looks like a letter "L". "And that one is the left hand" you say, smiling.  This does not work. In my brain there happens to be some strange quirk, and this quirk makes it so that I can read backwards as well as forwards, so to me they are BOTH letter Ls. Sorry to not use your wise suggestion, but it is simply unsuited for what a unique individual I am.

I have gotten in trouble many times because of my problem, particularly in drivers ed, where I learned that they consider this information very important. My time in drivers ed was riddled with such quotes as: "Your OTHER Left, Bleep you!!!" and "Somebody your age should really not come here to waste our time unless you know your left and right." and "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!! You bleeping bleep of a bleep!" when I turned into oncoming traffic.

I finally started putting a bracelet on my left arm, so when they said "Turn Left" I could look down, turn toward the arm with the bracelet, and seem smart. This fooled them for a while.

Then came the day of my one great triumph! I had forgotten to put on my bracelet that morning, and I was worried as we hopped into the car. Scarcely had I started driving, when there came the dread command "Turn right!" Taking my best guess, I swung the car in that direction. 

"I said turn right!" Exploded my drivers ed teacher. I said nothing, being not at all sure what direction I had turned. He continued ranting for a few seconds, then stopped abruptly. I glanced over at him, wondering what had stopped the tirade. He was sitting in deep thought, then he said slowly "Girl, that WAS right. You DID turn right. I was wrong."

Haha! I had been right! I had humbled the teacher, and redeemed myself. A good days work, if you ask me.

Now I always wear a bracelet on my left arm,  a very useful tool